Gambling Away
by PerfectMisfit
Summary: If life was just a game you could gamble away, Sa Sakujun had lost it.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Saiunkoku Monogatari**

Okay, I've never written for this fandom before, so excuse the OOC? I haven't even finished watching the anime yet SO DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME. This is just my take on Sa Sakujun's thoughts when he's about to die**. **This is sort of AU - Sa does die, he just manages to crawl away after Shuurei's says she'll fetch help.

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He remembered the first time he saw her. She wasn't the prettiest girl he had seen, but he still found himself attracted towards her. He didn't know what it was about her that he liked so much. Maybe it was the lilting melodies she conjured with the Niko. Perhaps it was the peaceful expression that masked her face and the warm smile that sat on her lips. Maybe it was the friendliness she seemed to radiate.

But he liked her from the moment he saw her. It wasn't love at first sight - Sa Sakujun was much too rational for that. He observed her carefully, began to interact with her, bought her an expensive Niko and then found himself falling for her.

_"What's your name?" He asked her._

_"Kourin."_

_"It doesn't suit you."_

Both of them had lied from the start - the only difference was she couldn't see through his lies and he saw through hers. And on a relationship formed through lies, he fell in love with her. She wasn't like most girls. She was smart, logical, sensible. She didn't cover in fear at the sight of him, much like most people did. Having Sa for a last name had that effect on people.

But _Kourin _never saw Sa Sakujun_._ Kourin only knew Lin Senya until she came to stay at the Sa mansion. Maybe Shuurei would have liked Sa Sakujun if he didn't toy with her so much. Or maybe if he hadn't played with her or lied to her. But deep down, in her hearts of hearts, there may have been a small part of Shuurei that truly loved Sa Sakujun.

_"What's your real name?"_

_"Kou. Kou Shuurei."_

_"It suits you more than Kourin does."_

She loved Gan Lu tea, but there were only a handful of people she would brew it for. He wished he was one of those people. Shuurei was like no other woman he had met before. He knew he was a dangerous man. But he was soft with her. He hardly asked for anything from he. He simply wanted her for a wife. She would make the perfect wife.

He loved her hair. Why she kept it tied up was simply beyond him. It was a gorgeous dark waterfall that fell past her shoulders and rest beneath her perfectly rounded breasts. It was so smooth and silky...it felt like heaven to run his hands through it and relish it's softness. And the hair pin she kept tucked in her hair all the time. It contrasted perfectly with her hair.

He honestly believed Shuurei could love him - maybe she did, but just not enough to make him Gan Lu tea. She claimed it was because he was drunk, while he was poisoned. The antidote was in the Gan Lu tea leaves. She didn't brew him the tea because he didn't mean enough to her.

He leaned against the stem of the tree, his eyes almost shut. A trickle of blood ran down his chin. He wished she was there, doing his hair for him...maybe, she could make him some tea again...a vision of her face swam before his eyes. Her hair was down, her lips were curved upwards in a smile. Her hands reached out to him.

Delusion. He was teetering dangerously between the edge of reality and the border of fantasy.

"I'll go call a doctor. You stay right here." She muttered frantically.

"I told you I'd die...if you didn't make me the tea," he reminded her in a raspy tone. Guilt flickered across her face, only to be replaced by a mask of worry. Tears shone in her brown orbs. She rushed off, probably to find a doctor or someone who could help him. With the last ounce of strength in him, he crawled away from the tree he had been leaning against, beads of sweat running down his face as he did so.

And with that, Sa Sakujun breathed his last - delusional, broken and _in love_.

If life was just a game you could gamble away, Sa Sakujun had lost it.

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Sooooo? How was it? Please tell me you liked it and it wasn't absolute crap.


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